9 months old!

When you are pregnant one thing that you will hear from absolutely everyone (and their second-cousin third removed) is that "it will go by so fast." This is one of those times where I must admit that I kind of rolled my eyes and thought "yeah, sure it does." It has always amazed me that certain times of the year can just race by. Specifically I find that once the school year begins that its over in what seems to be the blink of an eye. One day you are preparing for the first day of school and before you realize what has happened its summer again. I have found this same phenomenon to be true in parenting I'm sad to say. Honestly I simply cannot believe that my child has now been an "outside baby" longer than he was an "inside baby." I have now experienced something that every parent will at some point. The strange mix of joy and deep sadness at watching your child grow. With every new development your heart leaps, while at the same time you long for a time when they were smaller, and more dependent on you. While he was small I fervently wished and dreamed of the days when he was more active, and interested in things. And now I remember with longing the days when all he wanted to do was nap on my chest. When I could slip him into my arms with such ease, and when it was so easy to figure out what he needed (food, sleep, a change). He has become this vocal, opinionated, and amazing creature in such a wink of time. Sorry for the sappy overload. I find that the closer he gets to one (three months!!) I more melancholy I get.
He had his 9 month checkup today. His stats are as follows:

Birth 8lbs 2oz and 21 inches long
4 days old 6lbs 9oz 21 inches long
6 days old 7lbs 4oz
11 days old 7lbs 4oz 21 inches long
25 days old 8lbs 5oz 22.5 inches long
32 days old 10lbs 5oz
39 days old 11lbs 5oz
46 days old 12lbs 5oz 23.3 inches long
58 days old 13lbs 7oz
138 days old 16lbs 10oz (96%) and 25.5 inches long (89%)
6 months old 19lbs 9oz (92%) and 28.3 inches long (98%)
9 months old 21lbs 9oz (76%) and 30.1 inches long (96%)

So he has gotten longer and leaner. He only put on an ounce since he was at the doctors for an ear infection almost one month ago. Though the doctor wasnt concerned she advised that we feed him overnight if he desires since he hasnt gained much. The lack of weight gain isnt terribly surprising since most babies slow down their growth rate once they become mobile. His face is slimming down and he is loosing the chubby baby rolls. ::sobs:: He is beginning to look more and more like a little man. He can now pull up on things (although he doesnt do it at home often), army crawl with the best of them, and get himself to a sitting position with ease. He has really gotten much better at feeding himself solid foods. We do a combination of Baby Led Solids and the typical purees. I try to include some type of food for him to feed himself at each meal, but I also finish up the meal with some purees. He eats three times a day and gets all kinds of foods. Often we find that he will put lots of food in his mouth and "chew" it but that he doesnt swallow much. I gave him some whole wheat toast with a tiny bit of almond butter on top today and he devoured it. Literally there was nearly nothing left to clean up! So we are making progress.

His sleep is still crap. I moved the twin mattress to the floor and put a mesh bedrail next to it to make a "floor bed." To put him to sleep for naps/night we lay down with him. And before I moved the mattress we were having to wait until he was really asleep to move him to his crib. So now we just lay down with him and leave him on the mattress. I think he sleeps a smidge better there than in his crib.

He enjoyed his first Christmas and got lots of wonderful gifts from family and friends. He also enjoyed the yummy food he got to eat like mashed potatoes, vegetarian stuffing, roasted brussel sprouts, and more. Here are his 9 month pictures and some other random pictures I have taken throughout the month.

Our first family Christmas picture!

Ready to open presents!

Big boy!

The only way I could get him to sit still was to give him the monkey!

Merry Christmas To All!

This year has brought so many blessings and challenges. Being new parents to our wonderful son, beginning school and finishing school for my husband and I consecutively. And beginning my career. I never imagined how difficult and challenging parenting could be, nor how fulfilling and amazing. Watching him grow has been such a journey and I wouldnt change it for anything.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Spend it enjoying your families and remembering the blessings this past year has brought.

7 and 8 months!

My big boy is 8 months and 8 days old today. ::sob::
Since I last wrote he has begun rolling from back to front (and back again), sitting up without help, and army crawling around the house. He has started eating three solids meals of purees as well as bits and pieces of various things. He especially likes bananas and toasted whole grain waffles. He now has two teeth, one on top and one on the bottom. He has also decided that sleep is for wimps and is waking up multiple times per night. He likes to spice things up at night by screaming and rolling around for awhile. He celebrated his first Thanksgiving with some chestnut stuffing, and sweet potato casserole. We are still nursing, and I am still pumping. I get enough for one bottle a day and he nurses in the morning and nights and for naps on the weekends. I have to say I never thought I would make it this far so I am rather proud of myself.

Here are his seven and eight month pictures:

I think my goal for 2011 is going to be to keep up with my blog better (-:

A difficult subject...

This is a topic I have had on my mind for quite some time. I first suspected that there was something amiss with me at around 8 weeks postpartum. I was having difficulty with new motherhood, and really struggling with quite a few different issues. Breastfeeding being the most prominent. But I dismissed it as the "baby blues" which so many women get due to changing hormones. It wasnt until around 3 months postpartum that I realized this wasnt getting better or going away. I saw my primary physician who referred me to a therapist. I began seeing a therapist whom I really liked. She helped me work through some underlying issues with myself (primarily very low self esteem) and was in general a really insightful and supportive person. But when I started my new job I was unable to continue seeing her due to a very large copay for mental health services. I stopped seeing her about a month ago and wondered what it was that I should do. Should I call myself cured and go along my merry (or not) way? I tried this approach until recently when I realized that it just wasnt working. I realized that I cant wish this away. I always just figured that I had a mild case of postpartum depression. But then I saw my primary physician again this week. He asked me to complete a depression screening test. I was somewhat surprised to find that I scored as severely depressed. The picture in my mind that I form when I think of someone who is very depressed is someone who lingers in bed, mopes around, and is generally unable to function. As blue as I may be at times I dont think I have any of those characteristics. I function pretty well (if I do say so myself) and I dont think I am *too* much of a downer to be around. So I was somewhat surprised to find out how severe it seems my depression really is. Even though I have been aware that something was not right, I dont think I had really realized how bad it had become. The tricky thing about postpartum depression (ppd) for me is that its very subtle in how it effects your life. On the worst days its like someone has taken a paintbrush and painted my life gray. The color seems to leave me, and its difficult to function at the level I expect from myself. Which then makes me feel sad and useless which becomes a difficult cycle to extract myself from. My therapist was constantly reminding me that I needed to think positively about myself, which is probably the most difficult thing about ppd for me. I have always had a poor self image, and I find that on my worst days there is absolutely nothing positive that I can say or think about myself. What most upsets me is that even though my conscious mind knows how blessed I am to have an amazing family, a fulfilling career, and to want for nothing, on the bad days I cant see those things. They are still there, but the negatives are more prominent.
So I am now awaiting word from my physician to let me know how he would like to proceed with treatment. I can only hope that whatever method he and I choose will work, and promptly. I cannot wait to feel like "me" again.

Here is a very informative and understandable blog post about ppd from Cottonbabies. A lot of the comments are what cemented the diagnosis for me. I can totally commiserate with most of the descriptions of the symptoms. The blog is here and here is a little snippet:

"Postpartum depression is a serious issue that needs to be talked about openly. As with many mental health issues, there is often a stigma attached to PPD. Sometimes even well meaning mothers, women and even medical personnel can dismiss symptoms with comments like, “Every new mom feels that way sometimes” or “Of course dear, you're sleep deprived. It's only natural you feel like that.” What are we as a community of moms to do? We need to educate ourselves and others. According to the Mayo Clinic:

Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks."

A very, very late 6 month post.

This is a very, very, late post. Jake will be 7 months old in T-minus 3 days and counting. But as you might have noticed there is a lack of 6 month posting. Yeah, um, well, I am running out of excuses here. I suck at blogging is the long and short of it. But here is some crazy news which may help me to start blogging more regularly. I am FINISHED with my Masters degree. D...O...N...E...DONE!! I will hopefully be graduating with my degree soon, and I will be able to walk in the Spring if I so choose.

But back to the important things. Jake is nearly 7 months old. At his 6 month checkup he was 20lbs and 28.25 inches long. He is in the 87th percentile for weight and the 98th percentile for height. The doctor said he was doing great, and that he was definitely teething. But she was somewhat concerned that he was at that point not rolling over yet from back to belly, and that he was not sitting up unassisted yet for very long. So she referred us to an early intervention center. I have not yet contacted them but I am considering it.

Things around these parts have been scarce in sleep. About 5 1/2 months Jake started waking up frequently at night and fussing and wanting to nurse. As much as I appreciate that he wants to nurse, its very difficult to do a good job at work the next day when I have had only 4 hours of unbroken sleep. I attributed this to teething. And honestly I think its a combination of both. He IS teething, he is getting a front bottom tooth in that just will not break through the skin for whatever reason. But I also am wondering if he is hungry. He went from eating every 2 hours to eating every 3-4 hours at daycare. He is down to about 25 ounces of formula (and one 5-7 ounce bottle of breastmilk) per day. He was previously eating more than that (upwards of 30 ounces daily in just formula). So I tend to wonder if he is hungry. It just doesnt seem normal to me for him to eat so much less than he was eating. We have been trying to give him a dream feed before bed which seems to help. He seems to sleep better at night when he gets 6 bottles per day. So its been over a month now of crappy sleep. Which really sucks considering he was sleeping 12 hours a night previously. I also never thought I would bedshare but I find myself doing it often these days. Sometimes he just will not go back to sleep unless he is snuggle up next to me. And since I value sleeping I just go with it. I am sure I will one day regret this. But it works for us for now. I am certain that I will miss the days when he wants to snuggle. So I will take advantage of it while I can.

So that's what we are up to. A pretty succinct summary of the past month I would say. Be on the lookout for the 7 month post. Hopefully before he is 8 months (0:

And some pictures:
Eating some yogurt.
Handsome 6 month old boy.
Toesies
And this is how we spend many of our days lately.

Bad, bad, bad blogger....

::hangs head in shame::

I'm not sure how long its been. But I know its been a looonggg time. Possibly two months worth of looonggg time. I kept meaning to post J-man's 5 month pictures and I just never did. Bad mama blogger, bad, bad. In my defense I have in that time been ending the summer, setting up my classroom, beginning the school year, beginning my final classes for my Masters degree and trying to sleep in the in-between times. But there is really no excuse.

How is the Jakester you ask? He is doing great! In my absence he has started daycare (sobs quietly in the background while typing this). You know, in my head I always thought he would have to go to daycare eventually. But I think it my secret mind I hoped I might win the lottery or some such wonderment which would thus allow me to stay at home with my joy. Unfortunately ::sigh:: it didnt happen. So here we are, and Jake really enjoys daycare. He loves his teacher and always gives her lots of big smiles. It started out well and his class only had he and another little boy. But now they are at capacity (which is 4:1) which makes me sad. I'm not sure I understand how 1 person cares for 4 babies ranging in age from 5 months to 1 year but I probably dont want to dwell on it too much. It will cause me to go insane.

So he has been in daycare now for almost one month. And he is doing fine with it. We have seen a dramatic improvement in his willingness to do tummy time, which I believe in turn has helped his flat spot because that seems to have rounded out quite a lot. He is NOT rolling over yet, nor is he sitting up unassisted for longer than 25 seconds. We wont talk about how much this irks me. But I know, I know, I need to not compare babies and not worry about it. He is developing fine. I think his face is even thinning out a bit. Tee hee.
He is becoming so much more vocal, and has developed the high pitch squeals/screams that make us giggle. We are still nursing, mostly just in the mornings and if he wakes up at night. He has also started nursing to sleep at night which is so stinkin' sweet. I pump at work (and on the way to pick him up, and about 4 other times during the day) which sucks. Pumping sucks. There is no eloquent way to put that. It just sucks. It would be so much easier to pump if I was producing enough to feed him. But I dont come anywhere close to that. I produce enough for two bottles, and about 2 supplemental nursings a day. And we wont go into how many galactogages (and one prescription medication) that I take to keep my supply at that level. Its too depressing. But we keep going because I know it is good for him and I still enjoy the bonding that I feel comes from nursing. I love that he goes to sleep so peacefully when he nurses. When he wont nurse he tends to fuss until he falls asleep.

And on an exciting note we weaned from the swaddle!!! I use three exclamation points because its shocking to me. I figured we would be using that thing until he could roll over. But one night he woke up struggling to get his arms free at 1am and I was done. We weaned that night and havent looked back since. I stick him in a Halo organic cotton sleepsack now and he sleeps fine. He often has his arms above his head at night (just like mommy!). And on another sleep front he is now a belly sleeper.
::waits for the shocked gasps and admonishments::

Yes we allow him to sleep on his belly. And this was a big deal for me because I am terrified of SIDS. BUT he began falling asleep regularly on his belly for naps. And then he started waking up every hour or so at night until around 10pm and then sleeping through the night. And for a baby who was sleeping 12 hours straight until that point it was a bit strange. So we tried sleeping him on his belly and havent looked back since. He sleeps very well like that, and we have him on the Angelcare Monitor still so I dont worry too much. He also sleeps right next to us in a co-sleeper and I check his breathing often. So in short we are okay with it. And he sleeps, which is what matters considering I get up at 5am daily and have very long days now.

Today Mr J started solids. Just trying them out really. He will be 6 months old in just a little over a week. So I wanted to just get started and see how he did. I stuck him in his highchair and handed him a banana and he went to town. He loved the banana, and I think next time I will try either a piece of broccoli or a piece of sweet potato. He didnt each much if anything, but we are doing Baby-led weaning or Baby-led Solids and its more about exploring the foods and textures than really "eating." So that was very exciting. And now for some pictures!

Happy four monthiversary Jake!

The J-man is 4 months old today. Let me say it again (and again, and again) it is just INSANE how quickly time flies. How can this huge smiling, rolling, almost-regularly laughing little boy be the same tiny yellow baby? It just blows my mind. I'm certain I will be saying the exact same thing in 18 years when he graduates from high school (top of his class of course and headed to Harvard).

In J-man news:
At his last checkup he was 16lbs 10oz, and 25.5 inches long. They say they are supposed to double their birth weight by 6 months. Well, we have an overachiever. He was born at 8lbs 2oz. So he has more than doubled his birthweight....by four months. Yes, he likes to eat. Hell, I like to eat too. So this is no surprise. Everyone comments on what a good baby he is. I will agree, except when he gets hungry. When that child is even the tiniest twinge of hungry you WILL know about it. We go in for his skull x-rays tomorrow. Hopefully we will get the results quickly, and then we will be going to see a specialist out of the local childrens hospital. Just precautionary of course. But I feel its better to be pro-active with this. So after my last post, where I noted that he wasnt laughing. Yeah, um, well the next day he showed me how to eat my words. He laughed hysterically at one of my mom's co-workers for a good minute or two. As soon as I pulled out the camera to capture the moment he stopped. And he hasnt really laughed since. He has started to a couple of times, but no real laughs like he gave the virtual stranger. It's like he read my blog entry and thought "i'll show her, I will laugh for this lady and then NEVER again."
* Insert diabolical laugh here.*
Hopefully by his next monthiversary I will be able to post a video of a laughing chubster. Lets hope.

His stats are as follows:
Birth 8lbs 2oz and 21 inches long
4 days old 6lbs 9oz 21 inches long
6 days old 7lbs 4oz
11 days old 7lbs 4oz 21 inches long
25 days old 8lbs 5oz 22.5 inches long
32 days old 10lbs 5oz
39 days old 11lbs 5oz
46 days old 12lbs 5oz 23.3 inches long
58 days old 13lbs 7oz
138 days old 16lbs 10oz (96%) and 25.5 inches long (89%)

And for some comparison:
From tiny squishy boy
To big chubby baby: